Baby’s First OKCupid Date

May 14th, 2013

7:20 pm Walking to the experimental Starbucks that serves wine and small plates in the evening to meet Frank.

I don’t know how to do this.  If I’m there first, do I order without him?  If he’s already there, how do I figure out whether or not he’s willing to foot the bill?  How does this work in modern times?  I think it’s possible that what I know of dating comes mostly from the book “Valley of the Dolls”, the musical number from “How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”’s  “Been a Long Day.” and Bye, Bye Birdie.  Oy.  That could explain a lot, I am suddenly realizing.  It’s good that I’m doing this.

7:30 pm  I arrived promptly at 7:30, the decided upon time, as is my fashion.  I locked eyes with a guy on my way in and momentarily panicked thinking he was a guy with whom I went to  high school.  I hesitated, not sure whether or not to say “hi Nick.”  It might not be him, but if it was, I had not only definitely made eye contact, but was continuing that eye contact.  But it definitely wasn’t Nick from high school.  Just a boyishly cute boy working on his laptop.  Unaccompanied.  And sans-wedding ring.

7:42 pm There is traffic and all sorts of things, but at what point have I been stood up.  And who it that cute boy I locked eyes with on the way in here?  Am I hoping to be stoodup? I suppose that means I’m free to hit on that boy at the tall table working on his laptop.

Okay 7:51 pm, Still no show.  A girl asked me tentatively if I was Lisa.  She, too, is trying to locate her date.

7:54 pm The door opens and I feel myself cringe.  Discovering it is just some girl I feel both relief and disappointment.  I need to get this first date out of the way.  I feel bad sitting here without having ordered.  Maybe I should get something on my way out when the standup is official.

Will I really go through with it?  Will I hit on that guy?  How does one flirt?  I used to be good at it.  I think.  At least I enjoyed it and whatever I was doing came naturally.

8:00  pm This whole time I had envisioned calling my parents at this time on the nose and asking dryly “at what point do you know you’ve been stoodup?” But I don’t feel like it.  I’m pretty happy sitting here.  I will order something.

8:04 pm Ordered a hot chocolate.  Struck out hitting on the guy.  Am calling the fam while I walk with my cocoa and enjoy the evening.

The above notes were taken on my cell phone as I sat in the Starbucks.  They were read to my parents over the phone on the walk and e-mailed to my sister and brother-in-law with the subject line “Baby’s First OKCupid Date.”  Hence this blog post.

The Rules

May 14th, 2013

I am a sporadically unemployed spinster with serious trust issues.  And I am joining the dating world.

[cue the sound of war drums]

I have developed a set of rules for this journey.  Of course, now that I have written that last sentence on the page I realize that beginning a story with a set of rules is like introducing a gun in the first act.  But let us hope not because I firmly believe these to be sound rules that will allow me to, as Oscar Wilde said, “live, live the wonderful life that is in” me.  I have always had boyfriends.  Long-term, steady, ultimately terrible-for-me boyfriends.  I do not wish to waste my precious time on anyone at all similar to anyone I have ever dated.

There is a strange, deep-rooted instinct in my generation; one that I resolve to fight at all cost.  We talk of independence and marrying for love.  We chide former generations for getting married and having children because that’s simply “what one does,” but then we fall into similar patterns.  I am 27 and already have two divorcee friends.  I have been asked for my hand in marriage twice (and refused both times.)  I feel a desperate and innate pull inside of my peers to settle down.

I don’t believe the two fellows who proposed marriage to me had any real desire to marry me, but rather a desire to be done with it all already.  I am not done.  I do not want to settle.  I want to date all sorts of different men and find the one who works best for me and the one for whom I work best.  I used to feel that pull.  I used to want my next boyfriend to be my last.  But no more.  Now I feel free.  I don’t want to be done with it all because I’ve never really dated.  I haven’t tired of the bar scene.  In fact, I’ve never tried the bar scene and I’m not even sure how it works.  I have always had long-term boyfriends to whom I was utterly devoted.  I would like to only utterly devote myself to someone after I have a better screening process.

I think this will be lots of fun.

 

The Rules:

No dating anyone I have ever met.

No dating anyone whom I have ever met has ever met.

No committed relationships.

 

Do date men who are unlike anyone I have ever dated.

Do try to find a hunk.  (I’ve got to date at least one ridiculously good-looking man once.)

Do find a fella with a motorcycle.

Do find a fella interested doing things (i.e. watching Netflix doesn’t count as doing things.)

 

Mothers, lock up your sons.